Essays vs. ADD

I have, through a number of stupid online tests, diagnosed myself with ADD. 
And I wish I could say I was kidding, wish I could say it's a joke, wish I could say I'm over exaggerating, but I am not. I have, several times, tried to explain my situation to my mum, but the woman says, "You're too smart for that." I doubt I'm the only one that can say this makes no sense. I have come to learn that people with ADD and ADHD are experts at math, for whatever reason. Throughout my childhood I have been placed in advanced math classes. Coincidence? I think not. 
But the fact that I do well with arithmetic means next to nothing. 
Time for elaboration:
My mind is ALWAYS wandering. Especially from things that I find uninteresting or difficult.
I have a VERY difficult time reading material that isn't interesting fairly easy.
Especially in groups, it's hard for me to stay focused on what is being said in conversations.
Do I have a quick temper? Yes. And I forgive and forget almost instantly- because I can't at all help it.
I can get annoyed by the strangest, littlest things.
I say things without thinking, and as soon as I speak, I regret having said anything at all. The only excuse I have come up with for this is that I talk just to make a sound, because half the time, I don't even mean what I say.
My moods have their highs, and their lows.
I have THE MOST DIFFICULT TIME planning in what order to do a series of tasks or activites. I'm horrible at it. 
I answer questions before the question is fully asked. This actually happens quite frequently. I usually say "no" or ask "what?" instantly. 
I'm working on many many projects currently, and none are getting done.
There is a lot of static and chatter in my head, like a tv has all the channels on. QQQWWWIIISHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
My mind gets ssssoooo cluttered, that it literally is hard for me to function. It honestly keeps me up at night; I have trouble sleeping because of it.
My thoughts bounce around in my mind like a ball in a pinball machine.
I NEVER STOP DAYDREAMING... Sometimes, that's all I do, AND I AM UNABLE TO DO ANYTHING AT ALL BECAUSE OF IT.
I am wholly distressed by the disorganized way my brain works.
I wish I could get help with this, because I believe my life could be SO MUCH BETTER if I could get my head on straight. Honestly, I feel like a piece of shit filler-to-the-world of a person, and am extremely terrified that I will never make a move to accomplish my goals. That I'm just floating along with no real destination except what is given to me, and nothing more. I (of course) dream bigger than myself. It's that damn daydreaming. Just the thought of clear thinking, to be more determined and set straight... The mere  thought excites me. 
Today, I stared at the computer screen for over an hour, trying to think of what words to use in my essay, on a damn book I haven't even read half of, and I became so frustrated with not knowing what the hell to put, because I cannot stay focused for the life of me. It really upsets me. I should be working on it know, but I'm still lost for words. Still worth a try


Au revoir, les amis.(:

An Addiction

Off the pill?
What pill?
Anti depression pill. 
And glad to be.
Though it made me feel in a giddy mood when I took it...
Well, that's why I'm glad I stopped.
It made me feel sort of 'high' when I took more than I was supposed to.
I would take 300, sometimes even 450 mg a day, though 150 was my prescribed dosage.
I had convinced myself and my doctor that I still was not well, and that my dosage should be upped from 150 to 300, in hopes that I would be able to take even MORE once my body got accustomed to 300 mg per day. But I had a slight suprise when the actual pill changed, from a little purple thing, which contained 150 mg, to a white one, which contained 300 mg. I honestly thought that I'd have to take two purple ones instead of this new one every morning- that that would be the only change. Even the side effects were different. They didn't make me feel very giddy anymore. I just got absolutely terrible stomach aches. So, I stopped taking the pills alltogether. Aside from when I'm on my period (aren't I so open?), or when a bad event happens, I don't feel like a depressed piece of crap anymore.;D I don't think my doctor knows this yet, because I have not been to an appointment recently. She'll be proud of me, I'm sure.(:

Au revoir, les amis.(:

Socially awkward

I am. Very.
I guess I just don't know how to interact with people very well.
My fault?
I blame my parrents.
For not letting me go to preschool, for keeping me home all the time, especially in my early years. I believe that it was that specific habitat that formed me to be this way. To be this shy. Sure, I have my moments when I reach out to others, outside of my comfort zone, but most of the time, I... Just don't know how to interact with others.
Maybe I just spend too much time by myself.
Lonerrrr.
But alas, I do have friends, friends that I love and can be myself around, and who love me for myself.(:
What a great life.:D
I'm not being concited, but people just love me.
My awkwardness is a part of me, and, like the rest of me, is kinda awesome.(:
Au revoir, les amis.(;